Translation of Left Page:
Page, the Second:
Reasons You Should Not Have a Mastiff
The food bill isn’t so bad-about the same as a Shepherd or Lab. It’s the accessories that get expensive.
Hats-Mastiffs drool. They shake their heads and the drool gets on the ceiling. ‘Nuff said.
First Aid Equipment- Ointment for friction burns after you’ve been drug across the yard. Plaster cast for broken toes after a mastiff steps on them. Bandages. Mastiffs shed. It isn’t excessive, but they are so big that the hair adds up. Sooner or later, you won’t realize that one of the furballs you vacummed up was actually the cat. The bandages are for after you let the cat out of the bag. She won’t be happy with you.
Yard Cleanup-you need a snow shovel and a wheelbarrow. Hip waders are recommended.
Gas masks are optional, but you’ll probably want one, in case you can’t get out of the room fast enough when a mastiff breaks wind.
And have I mentioned the snoring? The house shakes and may slide from its foundation. You’ll stuff your ears with cotton because you can’t hear the TV anyway.
Translation of Right Page:
So why are mastiffs among my favorite things?
Either you know the answer to that or you don’t.
If you don’t, never bring home a mastiff.
If you do, you probably already have a mastiff or two.
Mastiffs are not for everyone
This is Cedric, Liam’s brother. Yes. We had two boys at once. Cedric was the quieter one. Less flash, less flair, but he had a sly sense of humor. When people walked toward him, he’d gather himself, and jump at them–just a little hop–so they would make funny noises.
He’d pretend to want to out, so that Liam would run outside. Then he’d turn back and steal whatever Liam was playing with.
He was always so pleased with himself when his tricks worked.